Since my last trip to Texas, I had another business trip to Germany and the opportunity to visit a bunch of "new" gyms and obviously to work out in them.
While I have been torturing my body at various gyms over the past months, I couldn't help but noticing that every gym has quite some characters training in them and regardless of where you train, a lot of these people can be found in way or another everywhere.
I think that anyone who has ever been to a gym understands what I am talking about. People that basically don't do anything productive at the gym and at best provide entertainment for other guests, or in the worst case annoy the living s*** out of everybody.
The Inventor - This guy puts every cross gym trainer to shame with the "revolutionary" training exercises he invented himself. Regardless if it's squatting on a ball, push-ups on vertical standing dumbbells, or running on a treadmill holding a barbell over his head, if there is a chance to turn an exercise into a neck-breaking stunt, it is part of his workout routine.
The Creeper - This type is usually male, in his mid-40's to 50's and looks like he is not allowed to turn on any lights in his house on Halloween. He can usually be found knocking around fitness classes, stretching areas or locker rooms where he does some half-ass crunches on a machine, thigh adductor or extensive stretching exercises, gawking at any female within his peripheral vision.
The New Years Resolutioners - like a swarm of locusts, they miraculously appear on January 1st and will occupy any machine and piece of cardio equipment at the gym. The night before they have made a pledge to themselves, that this year will finally be the year to "loose a couple of pounds" and "start a healthy lifestyle". They swarm out to buy new gym clothes, healthy foods, supplements and of course a gym membership. Gym owners love them, cause they will sign up for a one-year membership and never been seen again come February.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum - Usually two teenage boys who have been doing almost every fitness and bodybuilding magazine workout on this planet, but never felt the urge to ask someone knowledgeable for advice or, let alone, learn the proper technique. So here they are, looking like extremely pale copies of Steve Urkel, checking out chicks, doing curls and benching four times a week. Well at least they do what they consider bench pressing.
That brings me to the next character, the Bench Presser - this guy trains one and only one body part multiple times a week and wonders why is neither gaining strength nor improving his physique. The workout usually starts with barbell bench press, followed by some bench press and ends with some more bench. If he feels adventurous or the urge to "change his routine up" he includes some triceps pushdowns or lat pulldowns on the machine at the end.
The Sausage - Ever seen how a sausage is made? How the ground up meat is stuffed in the casing? Well this is how this slightly overweight gym member must be getting in her spandex shorts or leggings before the gym visit, because the end result looks the same.
The Screamer - now this is one of my favorite characters. As annoying as he is, he certainly provides the most entertainment for the entire gym. Regardless if it's a 10 lbs dumbbell curl or a bench press by which his "spotter" is basically curling the entire weight he unleashes the inner beast one heartbreaking scream at a time, putting any woman giving child birth to shame. No matter if it is the very first rep or the end of the workout the rest of the gym knows that he's doing "work".
The Coach - ever heard the impression "Never trust a skinny chef"? This guy is the skinny chef's fitness equivalent. Usually in no physical shape whatsoever he gladly offers his training tips and advice to anybody, regardless if asked for or not. He knows everything better, talks like he has a Phd in Nutrition and Exercise Science and always has to critique any and everybody's technique. Too bad his "depth of knowledge" is not working out for himself at all.
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